Matching Dreams

Well, this is nothing incredibly exciting, but my husband had a dream I thought was interesting. He said I was driving him to work when we passed some houses. There was what he described as a "huge solar eclipse" behind the houses- a large, dark sphere with a fiery light around the edges. He was confused because it was a solar eclipse in the middle of the night. He said we started getting pulled into "the sun", but we were both really calm, as if we had accepted it. In a calm voice I said "Apothus is coming." Then he woke up.

The thing I find strange is that he never has dreams like this, but this is the second time in a week one of us has had a dream that involves us driving and then a bright light. The other night I dreamed that we got up early to drive somewhere. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes for a second. When I opened them it was 1:14 am and we were in a completely different neighborhood. I looked over at him and said "Did we just miss the entire day?" He looked confused, like he'd just woke up, and said "Yeah, I think so." We drove through some trees and suddenly this bright blue light was on the car. It threw me back in my seat and I couldn't move or speak. The car started spinning and I just managed to reach over and grab his hand. I knew we were going to get sucked up into the light. He looked at me in terror then I woke up. The trees we were driving through reminded me of the same area that he dreamed about, even though I didn't tell him about where I thought the dream took place.

I've been having apocalyptic dreams a lot lately. I'm not going to go psycho and say the end of the world is coming. I know dreams can be nothing more than pictures that your brain makes to help file information as you sleep. Still, I find the coincidence odd. I guess I want to know if anyone else has had this type of dream- driving then a bright light that seems to suck you in? Also, has anyone heard of Apothus? My husband thought it was a god. It sounds egyptian to me.

Puncture Marks and Bruises

Well, I hope these attatchments load up right. Some of the pictures I took of the weird bruises and marks I've woken up with I finally got developed. A good deal of them didn't turn out at all because the marks were so small and the flash was so bright, but I got a couple of them to the point where you can make them out. The first one is of a set of four puncture marks I woke up with on my leg. You can see them slightly better with the colors inverted. The second is of a nasty set of bruises on my foot. One of the triangle bruises actually shows in one of my pictures but when I upload it you can't see it at all. I know I was promising some people some pictures, so here they are.

night terrors?

Okay, I know this sounds a lot like a night terror. Maybe it was but I've had them before and they were never like this. Last night my husband and I had just said goodnight and I rolled over to go to sleep. Suddenly I couldn't move, but I felt like I was moving. They only thing I can relate it to is a puck on an air hockey table. I felt like I was floating a few inches above the bed, being pushed back and forth over a cushion of air but I couldn't move any part of my body. I tried to scream but I couldn't. Then, all of these horrible images started pouring into my mind like someone was feeding them in there. Horrible, grotesque, monster-like things. I can't even remember what they looked like exactly because it was so terrible I made myself forget it even as it was happening. I thought I was going to have a heart attack from the fear. The entire time I seemed to be drifting around and was surprised I hadn't bumped into anything. At some point I think I thought a hand was grabbing my wrist. Then I could suddenly move again, and I was on the bed where I started. I was too scared to go to sleep for a good while. When I finally did go to sleep I had unusually vivid dreams. I've had night terrors bad enough that I couldn't move before, but what was with the floating feeling? It was so terrible. I hope it never happens again.

Was I possessed my something?

Well, first of all, I hope I'm posting this in the right place. I've been posting bits and pieces of my experiences, but some of it is so weird I'm ashamed to talk about it. A lot of it has rocked my faith to the core, changed the very way I think. This is my whole story, and I'm sure some people are immediately going to tell me to see a shrink- if anyone bothers reading such a long post. But please, if anyone can relate to this, let me know.

I was always kind of weird. As a kid I was withdrawn and very interested in the colors and textures of objects, but that could just be because my parents fought a lot and it made me disassociate. (Not autistic, so just don't say it) As a chld I started developing extreme phobias of things that didn't even make sense. I was terrified of dead plants and dried leaves. I was (and still am) afraid of burned things, even burnt food. I constantly felt like our house was being broken into, even though there was no evidence of it. I just felt like someone bad was there. I was also afraid of fires and carbon monoxide, and I spent long hours contemplating death before I even knew how to tie my shoes. I also felt extreme guilt about random things, like I was going to go to hell for knocking over the trash can or something. I don't know what would possess such a young child to focus on such dark things. Also, a few really weird things happened on occasion. Once I saw a figure made up of moonlight on my parent's door outside my room at night. There was no way for the light to even travel that angle in that room. I slammed my door shut and to this day sleep with the bedroom door shut. Once my bed started shaking, and a bunch of weird things happened around the tree in my backyard. My friend and I saw a bunch of colored lights flashing back there in broad daylight and ran inside screaming, then we seemed to forget about it until I remembered it just recently. Also, an invisible something ran by me by that tree once. I saw the leaves on the ground move like someone was running through them, but no one there. That scared me enough to not go near that tree for a long time. Just little things I always dismissed that seem all linked together now that I'm older.

In middle school, something really weird started happening. Words would just fly out of my mouth. I would say things without meaning to and not know why I said them. Often the things I said were offensive or just really bizarre. One summer my camp counselor told my mom she thought I was retarded because I spent the whole week talking about people on the ceiling even though I didn't actually see any people up there. I talked about them like I really thought they were there, and the whole time I was really embarassed because I realized it sounded really stupid but the words just kept coming out and once I'd said it, it seemed pointless to take it back as it made no sense to begin with. Someone could tell me a secret and I would have every intention of keeping it, then just turn around and tell some random person. I even told my counselor my friend wanted to commit suicide even though I knew it wasn't true. As far as I know, I wasn't trying to make up stories to impress people or get attention- I just said stuff before I could realize it made no sense. Was I just evil or something? All I wanted was for people to see me as a good girl. I liked feeling helpful, and as a devout christian I sincerely wanted to do the right thing, but all this stuff just kept happening. Sometimes I would just make noises or laugh uncontrollably. For a while the doctors thought I had tourettes, but after some tests they decided it didn't fit. Needless to say, everyone thought I was a freak and I had few friends. Still, I was usually able to get people to do what I wanted, like I could override their will. So I had a bunch of people who hated me but found themselves following me around anyway.

Once puberty hit and I went to high school things settled down for a while. Peer pressure wasn't so bad- most people just did what they wanted to. I found a group of friends who thought random stuff was funny, and my symptoms began to subside. I was an honor roll student at the top of my class with lots of friends and a committed boyfriend. Then, towards the end of my senior year, these pictures started popping up in my head. Once my ex and I were eating at a restaraunt and an image of a growling brown dog in a dark basement with yellow walls just popped into my head. It was so vivid and real, down to the blanket laying on the floor and the shine in the dog's eye. I was too upset to eat any more and felt like I was going crazy. Sometimes the pictures would be more strange things, like worlds full of robots with flying cars, but then really violent stuff started appearing- me killing the people I loved and other disturbing stuff. I was really freaked out because I thought I was going to end up hurting someone. Also, whenever I looked at a door or widow, I would see it open and shut in my head. Sometimes chairs would upturn themselves and spin around, but I never actually SAW it, like a hallucination, I just saw it very clearly in my head. I also heard singing or whispers sometimes. I was sure I was going crazy. These bouts of....crazy would well up in my throat and I would end up screaming and thrashing around. Finally it got bad enough that I got admitted to the looney bin. The nurses thought I was making it all up because the symptoms were so atypica and they couldn't really diagnose me as anything- thats around when my ex had enough and split.

Over the next few years it just got worse and worse. I would fall on the ground and scream for hours on end. I would shake and bang my head on the floor and rip my hair out. I would talk in gibberish or fly into violent rages. I even started developing other personalities and would converse with them in front of other people. Soon I heard a voice in my head, telling me I was useless and horrible- the voice was my voice, though, like I was the bad and good person at the same time. I never actually saw anything before me, nor heard something I couldn't identify as my own thoughts, leaving the doctors stumped. I didn't fit into any real category. I got diagnosed with everything from schizophrenia to bipolar to tourettes, epilepsy, conduct disorder, borderline personality, schizotypal whatever....it went on and on, depending on the doctor I saw. I got put on every medication in the book, which just made things worse. Once I started taking the meds I really DID hallucinate. I gained tons of weight, was really tired all the time, and got tardive dyskenia- uncontrollable facial movements and body tremors, some of which I still have today. Through it all, I felt like someone was controlling me. I could feel their presence, like my body was a puppet getting yanked around by someone's whim.

Also, during this time, I began to develope weird abilities. I could tell people what they were thinking, sometime down to the exact words of their thoughts. Streetlights went out when I walked under them, and sometimes I would just spout off these fountains of wisdom- stuff too mature and advanced to fit my personality. I could seemingly change the temparature of the air around me, and my intuition was off the charts. I could FEEL when something was going to happen, predict someone's every move. Once again, most people found me strange and even repulsive but they listened to me, followed me and did what I said a good deal of the time.

However, in college I got hit in the head with a pool cue (accident, but it still hurt), which had a shattering effect on my left temporal lobe. After that I lost my ability to focus and direct my energy. I also developed problems speaking articulately and even had a lot of problems controling my saliva, causing me to drool on ocasion. All the abilities went away and everything was miserable. I came back home to finish college and found a wonderful man who I will be getting married to at the end of the month. Still, that controlling force was there, throwing me around. One day I had enough and I fought with it. Whatever it was I told it to get the hell out and not come back. Once I really put my foot down, the thing actually went away.

I stopped taking my meds, and for a while I felt good again. I felt electric-like currents go through my body. I felt so much insight, like I could see the world in a different light. I pretty much stopped needing to eat and sleep all together. I know this sounds like a manic episode, but I've had those and this was completely different. I could feel my body changing. However, it got so uncomfortable that I forced myself to turn it off, then everything went away altogether. Now I feel alone and depressingly ordinary. I feel like I'm not talented at all. Writing and art, my passions, need enough focus to make them extremely difficult. Within the past year I've gotten interested in Extraterrestrials, though I haven't even seen a definite UFO and certainly no aliens have bothered to pop into my bedroom. I feel so lost and unfocued, like there's something I really need to be doing but I can't find it. How can I get that spark back without all the crazyness, too? Have I been battling severe mental illness or some cosmic force I can't understand? I just want some answers. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?

Falling Star?

Well, I would have posted this sooner but my mafuntioning gallbladder had to be removed, so I've been in the hospital for the past few days with no access to a computer. First of all, let me say I have NO IDEA what this thing I saw actually was. I may just be going crazy, but it was one of the stranger things I've encountered.

I think it was on May 20 or 21. It was almost midnight and I was going to pick my fiancee up from work. I was driving along a back road and suddenly I saw this bright, white light in the sky. It was moving VERY fast and at a very steep angle, almost straight down towards the ground. I almost screamed because I thought it was a plane falling out of the sky. I've NEVER seen a plane go that fast at that kind of angle. I was expecting it to hit the ground and explode, but then it just disappeared. Just POOF and it was gone, so fast I could hardly register what I'd seen. I guess it could have been a comet of some sort, but it was really huge and didn't leave a trail or a tail behind it. I've seen tons of shooting stars and none of them ever looked like that. I never heard about any malfunctioning planes from that night, either. I wish my fiancee had actually been with me so I'd know I'm not crazy. I was shaken up when he got in the car and we talked about it for a while. He said he couldn't think of what it could be. We've seen some other weird lights in the area, but nothing like this. I'M NOT SAYING THIS WAS ALIENS! It just freaked me out and I was wondering if anyone had any theories as to what it could have been.

Also, on another random note, around the same time, several of my teeth and the inside of my right nostril were hurting and sensetive to the touch. My nose is still sensetive to the touch but the pain in my teeth went away. Random round bruises also keep popping up on my legs. These bruises appear every few months, then disappear, only to come back. I'm wondering if I'm sleepwalking or something?