So I had a long brutal discussion with my wife today which resulted in a large part of it with her crying and a feeling of low self-worth. Like many children, she was adopted by another family when she was born. Her birth mother wanted to be able to keep her but couldn't because she already had one daughter and her husband had just left her and fled back to somewhere in China. So her birth mother asked a close friend, who she knew was more than financially capable, to raise her unborn daughter. The woman agreed and then became, for all intents and purposes, my wifes mother.

Outside of the mom, the rest of her family seem to think that and proceed to treat her as if she is of low status. Like she is not entitled to any happiness in her life because she is adopted. She did not ask to be born, to be given away or adopted by another family. My wife like any other child born into this world does not have the luxury to choose who her birth parents would be and their status in life. And yet, they like to berate her at any opportunity. Her mother wanted to leave one of her homes to her when she passed away but my wifes sister-in-law would have nothing of that and demanded that if my wife wanted the house that she should pay both her brother and her 1 million baht (roughly $25k US) since they initially helped the mother buy the house. The amount of greed within this family is disgusting and would make your stomach turn to say the least.

What is it with the human condition, that many need to find fault with another to raise a sense of their own self-worth? Why bother adopting somebody if you are going to treat them like they really don't belong there and you are just doing them a favor? I look at 22's posts and know that those children she is/will be raising are far luckier than many adoptive children and will get a chance to have a higher sense of self-worth and feeling of family with unconditional love.

What is it that makes people look at a person who is a adopted and think that because they are adopted they are less of a person? I really can't figure it out. My wife just feels like she is all alone, and I tell her that she is not, but the damage has already been done by her family and all I can do now is repair some of it and reassure her. But I know she will never be whole because of them. Some family, huh?

Her adopted mother is okay with leaving her the house, but her adopted sibblings aren't?

Why doesn't the adopted mother insist to her children that those are her wishes? Do the children not feel obligated to honor her wishes? Could it be a cultural thing?
I would think that they should feel bad because they are not honoring her wishes.
Reading this I feel so badly for your wife.

You know, one of my brothers married a woman who had two girls from a previous marriage, and later they had one of their own. I treat those girls just like if they were my flesh and blood. It's sad that some people still cling to the notion that family ties are only strengthened by blood.

The only thing you can do is be a supportive shoulder that she can lean on and just listen to her. Sometimes that helps inmensely.

i dont understand how people can be so cruel.. nothing worse than being alone, at least she has u basaiku try to be strong my friend

That is truly horrible, Bus. I dont understand it either. I cant understand the lack of empathy and caring for other people. There is an emptiness inside such people. Help your wife to understand that it is not she who lacks worth as a human being but those people. They are the ones who are incomplete and lacking in fundamental human-ness.

I am adopted and know that feeling well. I have always felt I was adopted as a trophy child. I was told by my dad he really wanted a boy but they settled on me! Hows that for rising your self esteem.My sister treated me like a toy for her pleasure. The only time she was nice to me was when I had something she wanted.Mama was the only one in the familt that truely loved me. But there times when I felt I was second or third. My dads mom told me she would never accept me cause I wasnt blood. When my sister passed away I saw the will my mama made, I wasnt in it. But , now because she died before me I get it all now. Oh joy.I got bills and more bills coming in every day. The point is , I dont care how much adopted kids are wanted and loved by the adopting parents, we are all still second. The saying that blood is thicker then water is true in my case. Tell your wife, she is some body and she is NOT definded by them. It took me years to find out who I am. My hubby has beenmy strength and he saw how things were and he told me, I know you suffeed loss and pain , but if I had not been adopted by them, he would never have met me and realized what a special person I am. Well, I dont know about all that special stuff, but I do know I am SOMEBODY and this world will know I was here adopted or not. Tell them to keep the house, what she and you have is worth more then any material thing. And the good part of it, it will keep on growing.

Being adopted...ahh yes...me too.
The father that raised me was a good father but his family did not accept me...I was born out-of wedlock.
There was much unhappiness back then...I do best to forget.

i was adopted also but the "parents" i went to i was their only child as they could not have any of their own. my brother who is also adopted but of different blood is still my brother and my "parents" are still my parents. they raised me. i have not had the problems that you have and i find it sad and upsetting that these people cannot accept that you are part of their lives just because you are not blood. my heart goes out to you.

do any of you know your birth parents? i dont know mine but when i think about it i sometimes feel like there is something missing, a bit empty. does anyone feel the same way?

im sorry im asking alot of questions but i dont know of anyone that is also adopted that i can talk to and i dont know if these feelings are shared by others. all my friends dont tend to understand the feelings of why me? didnt they want me? didnt they love me? etc


im sorry for ranting but im interested to know others feelings on it.

And busaiku's wife i think they are just jealous of you that you were not blood but treated equal by the mother. and they are just being horrible. im sure you have spent much time trying to help the family and the mother was trying to show how much you were her daughter like all the other siblings.
i wouldnt worry about it too much because it sounds like you have a beautiful family all of your own.

keep your chin up.
<3 caveman

I never had the empty feelings due to a parent that was not there really.
My birth father died in an accident when I was about 2.
I have always known my real mother and was raised by her.
She was never married to my real father, but was married twice since then.