I know most people have heard the saying, in ones life, a little rain must fall. No where did it say how much rain must fall before you drown.I just need to talk and get things off my chest. This past year has been one of the toughest times in my life. And one of the most eye opening one as well.I remember my mama telling me , if everyone would hang there problems on a clothes line, and you can choose which one you want, you would take back your own. She is right but, not for the reasons she meant.I would never want any one to go thru this past year my family and I have been thru. I know there are worse problems out there, but each of us has to go thru our own.To each of us, there is nothing worse then what we go thru by our selves. We blame ourselves for every thing . I know I have this year. I feel as if I let my family down. I can only do so much for them, at some point they have to take care of themselves. For myself, having cancer, a heart attack, and mama having alhemizers. I miss my mama I use to know, and at the same time, I have learned so much about who my mama is. Her memories have become mine. I know for now she is in a happy time in her life. 1963 to be exact. When I started thinking about it, I am glad she is stuck there as oppose to being some where else in her memories. They adopted me in 1963, my sister was alive, her marriage was great, she had the home of her dreams built. Life was the best. I kinda envy her at times ,to be so happy. But I know its a fleeting thing for her. I hate seeing the look of confusion on her sweet face when she looks at me , I know she is struggling to remember who I am. To me its horrible and I know very selfish of me to want her to know who I am. She is the only mother I have ever known and to know she doesnt know who I am at times , crushes my heart and I feel so very alone.Then I pull myself together and act as if nothing is different for her sake. I dont know who its worse for,mama or me.Maybe its the same for both of us. In your life time, if your very lucky you meet some one who no matter what stands besides you. You let go and let them lead you back to sanity. That person for me was my sis. ( cajunliz) I dont know what or where I would be with out her. We are not blood sisters, but we might as well be. She couldnt be any closer to me then if she was . She keeps me real and does not let me go wandering thru life alone. At times shes a pain in my ass, but a loyal one. lol She never lets me get way out there in my thoughts. All of us need a friend with a good rope tied to them to pull us back . I dont know what 2008 has instore for us, but I do know we will all make it. We all have inner strength and for those of us that dont, we have a friend we know or have not met yet that will be there to pull us back from the brink. As I have always said on this forum, I am here for any of you , To listen, to talk, or simply to let you vent if thats what you need. I hope every one on this forum knows how much I care about each of you. I know I dont know you or you know me, but I am here. My hand is extended to each of you no matter what. Have yourselves a good cry, then push on to the next adventure.

Sorry I rambled on and on.

NOW you got me crying and sniffling and I read your post out loud and I actually think Mike is crying too , or at least shed a tear from hearing me choking on your words that hit so hard . yes sis , we have been thru alot , and its been a rough road , but we both agree to disagree and we always here for each other .
If you can NOT open up to someone you call a " FRIEND " well you need to avoid considering that person a friend at all . FRIEND'S ARE there for each other , NO MATTER WHAT . {{{{{{{{{{{ SISSY }}}}}}}}}}}}

ITS CALLED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Well said, Cricket.

I know a lot of people try to shoulder their problems on their own ... who are afraid to let people help them, afraid to admit sometimes that they feel weak or feel they can't go on ... but we're ALL a team. We ALL need friends, and family, and people who can hold us up from time to time, and we all really need sometimes to be the one who holds up other people. It's important for us to realize that by needing someone, by needing help, we're giving meaning and importance and value to the lives of other people, and when we help them back, we make them feel less alone, less vulnerable, because they know they don't have to be strong all the time, they CAN relax a minute, break down a little.

I was reading about General Sherman and General Grant the other day. General Sherman had gone through a bad time, defeat and other problems, and he had what would be called a nervous breakdown. He suffered severe depression to the point that he just couldn't function. General Grant came to him, offered him a command, offered him friendship, support and trust. Later, when Lincoln offered Sherman a promotion, offered him a command senior to Grant, Sherman turned it down, saying: "I'll serve UNDER General Grant, but I won't serve OVER him."

Later, Grant had his own problems with depression and alcohol, but Sherman supported him and was always fiercely loyal.

Sherman later said something that really touched me: "Grant stayed by me when I was crazy, and I stayed by him when he was drunk"

Even the strongest people sometimes need a friend.

Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.
- Anna Cummins

...I'll take your hand Cricket

I love the poem. It says it all beautifully.