hi members, old and new. i have something i want to say and i would be gratefull if you rescept the fact im a sad bastard who dewels on dreams and futures thats never gonna happen. first of all im 24 years old and ive recently recived results from the hospital that ive got a heart condition, ive sat on my fat ass for five years, no excise, no healthy food, drank alcohol and smoked like a trooper, my fault, im stupid. i got to go for more tests on my heart soon. second, when i was nineteen i had a sexual encounter with a lady, and i felt degusted with myself after and went home and showered for around 45 mintues, that was my only sexual activity ever. i want a girlfriend, but she has to be perfect and with my heart i dont know if she would take me. i get out of breath quick even when sitting. ive had dreams of a young woman, maybe my age, she has the most beautifuly formed face with bright warm green eyes with a glowing smile and sliky black hair that just breezes on her shoulders, she often visits me in my sleep and tells me lots of girls like me, she hugs me and makes me feel wanted, i love her but i cant have her, shes already dead, waiting for me, jesus, im crying as i type. my heart is fucked but it doesnt matter because when i do go i can be with her forever. i got no friends apart from here which i really like you all. we share smiliar interest. im not gonna quit smoking though nor am i going to action heart at the hospital. i want death, its the only real future i have. i may sound stupid to some but for me its my only escape.

love you all xx

i know i cannot even imagine how you feel but i don't think you should give up on life esp. if you believe in god he would not look kindly on such a thing. Have you considered a pyschiatrist? Im not calling you crazy or anything many many people go to the pyschiatrist ive been a few times myself. Stay strong my man.

What do you mean she's got to be perfect? A kind, unconditional loving heart? Perfection doesn't exist in this world of ours, no offense, but genuine, compassionate people do.

I don't think you're stupid.. Maybe you're having dreams about a past life you may have had where you and her were married?

To me, it sounds like she's basically telling you to keep your head up and not think so poorly of yourself. A lot of us have self-esteem problems, it's a fact - but that doesn't mean that what you think (i.e. I'm ugly, no one wants me, I'm fat, I'm pathetic, no one could love me, etc.) is true.

I think you could think about seeking some sort of counseling, not to get all drugged up and stuff, but to be able to have someone to talk to. You've got to start somewhere. They can help you out with a plan for excercise and healthy eating habits.

Do NOT give up. Just remember that God loves you, He will always love you no matter what. Give your sins to God, He'll take all the pain away. Trust me

Here are some websites that may help.

How to ask for forgiveness:
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Forgiveness-through-God
http://www.aish.com/spirituality/prayer/As...Forgiveness.asp
http://www.precious-testimonies.com
How to forgive yourself:
http://www.oprah.com/spiritself/lybl/well/...rgive01_b.jhtml

Precious testimonies:
http://www.precious-testimonies.com

How to eat healthy:
http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0oGkk...-t-501&ei=UTF-8

How to get motivated:
http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0oGkj...-t-501&ei=UTF-8

How to raise confidence & self-esteem:
http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0oGkl...-t-501&ei=UTF-8

Storm, I'm not a mental health expert...so I'm not offering a 'diagnosis' here...but it does not take an expert to recognize the overt signs of a mental disorder. I'm not going to sugar coat that either because being clinically depressed is not something to whisper about and be ashamed of. There is no 'future' in death. That's about as an irrational statement if ever I heard one. If you want help, its out there...not in here..and its there that you should direct your efforts. If you want it...and if not...no amount of reasoning with you is going to alter your perception of things. Further, do not think that since I am not here offering you my 'sympathies' or playing into this self pity that I do not care. It is because I do genuinely care about you as a person that I am telling you to get off your ass and get some help. You may start by contacting a decent therapist in your area (and if you've already done so...then try another one...dont just 'give up') and by having a look at the link I've provided below...but most importantly, you may start by making a commitment to yourself to get the help you need...

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

Stay Strong Man believe in yourself, don't care what other people say!!!

Dude, I've been where you are right now and, while your life may seem hopeless, please believe me when I say that you're gonna look back on this part of your life and wonder why in hell you ever contemplated ending it!

I came really, REALLY close to topping myself - I even had it planned out!

I got help from my doctor, who put me on anti-depressants and I see a psychologist once a month or so. It was the hardest thing I've ever done - bleed my heart out to a relative stranger but I'm soooo glad I did, because I'm well on my way to a happier, more positive life now. Things are still dumping on me from time to time, but with a better perspective and a positive outlook nothing really gets me down that low anymore. I wouldn't be dead for quids!!

You can't get any lower than contemplating suicide, so the only way from here is up! You've got a long journey ahead of you but it's worth it man, believe me. Life is the most precious gift of all - sure it can get shitty, but with a broader perspective you'll realise that it's not all bad.

Hang in there man! Know that no matter what else happens, we all love you and care for you. You've taken the first step by opening up to us, so get some professional help and you'll be feeling better in no time. If you ever need us, you know where to find us...

P.S. You're NOT stupid - you're human, just like the rest of us. Something like 1 in 5 people (in Australia at least) will suffer from depression at some point in their life. Just think, if you pass five people in the street, at least one of them feels the same way you do! You are not alone, and you WILL get better...

im already under a doctor, i think i told you before but he just laughs and tells me to be a real man. i got a social worker, his ok, helps me out. tells me i need a wash lol checky bastard, well, i havent washed or changed my clothes since xmas haha. my teeth are brown and i get tooth ach. man, im a scruff. you know what, if i say i'll start a new life tomorrow i'll be lieing. i was thinking about doing a robbery to get some money for clothes but i need a car and i havent got a car haha im so far down the social ladder the ladder has fallen over and hit me on the head hahahaha, i think im going nuts or am i just the only sane person in the world haha. forget this shit. did you know i fantasize about going on killing sprees, blowing some poor fucks brain all over the shopping centres floor, yeah, i wanna be world news i wanna kill myself after mass murder IM DIEING INSIDE HAHA. people bully me they always do, im afraid to go outside sometimes. iv bee forced into a hole. what do you do? fight or die. i'll probely do abit of both haha

sorry but i just needed a little outbrust.

NILS ILLEGITIMUS CARBORUNDUM.

DON'T LET THE BASTARDS GRIND YOU DOWN.

Storm, you appear to be a Human being that has feelings and can be hurt but for yourself you must stay strong. I myself have been diagnosed with C.O.P.D. (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease ) and basically that means that my lungs are "fucked", probably through smoking for 47 years. Aren't I an old bugger? I am also waiting to go into hospital (cardiology ) to determine if I have, "small vessel disease" ( I think that's what it's called ). I am also waiting for a Prostrate operation but , hey Storm, I'm not down. Life is too beautiful and precious just to "give up". You WILL come through this period of depression, if that is what is bothering you, and you WILL be stronger at the end of it. You're only 24, you have years ahead of you. You WILL meet that "special person" when the time is right for both of you.
Believe me Storm, you have ALL our best wishes and our thoughts are with you. Stay strong and fight, remember; NILS ILLEGITIMUS CARBORUNDUM!

Here here!

I'll keep the details to myself but I ain't the picture of mental or physical health either. But I tell ya one thing, if I go down to the shore and watch those lovely women stroll by and play in the surf, everything seems to feel a little better. There is so much beauty outside my domain that it has in fact saved my soul on a number of occasions.

I suggest finding some way to enjoy your remaining time in this existence. Find something that gives you joy and get off your behind and do it.

BTW, I was were you were many years ago. I hated myself, I hated my life and I hated everyone around me. In time I grew tired of being miserable and that's when happieness reared it's head. Now I'm a lean mean fighting machine, in shape, smiling, succeeding where I never thought I could. And women that I thought were out of my league now are totally receptive to the new me.

My olny regret is that I didn't figure it out earlier in my life. So much wasted time.

Another thing to not "sugar coat" is the fact that if you don't change any of your health habits no one will want you either. Not to be mean, but it's not fair to pin your health issues on a partner, and by asking for a mate while in your condition, you're asking for too much I think. On top of the fact that it seems like you have too many other issues going on for yourself to be in a relationship. You should focus on you and your health. Changing a few habits here and there will help you both MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY. Eventually then the world will be open to you and for you to find someone who is worthwhile, but until then I'd say you're asking for too much..

Okay, okay. You're only 24, good lord you're not dead, yet. Heh. All that sounds just a little out there, I mean, I haven't seen any that bad off and I've seen a lot of people. Don't worry, I hardly get around either. But brushing those teeth and getting a shower. Oi. That IS a must. Depression?? oh boy. I've had bad bouts with it quite a few times as a teenager, and for almost a whole year after I had my son. :eek: But being me I didn't really go for help or take the medicine or any of that crap. Tried, I tried, but I can hardly remember to take my medicine for my migraines daily, and I'm not supposed to just stop taking it. Anyhow.... I got over that shit quick. Dying doesn't seem like the answer once you look on it and think well... what would be the point? What would that solve? I'd rather have some small existance for whatever time I have left than to not exist at all. If you're fucked either way, you may as well just live with yourself and make the most of it. Don't get me wrong, I've felt the lowest of the low before and done things that would make Marie Antoinette blush. I'm just saying that there's bigger and better opportunities out there, no matter what your physical or mental status you just have to get out there and open your eyes. And hey, if you want a girl, you've got to get yourself well and clean to get the right one.

storm
not having a good time man.i had depression once,brought on by an illness.not a nice place.but you gotta get through man,you sound like a fighter so don't let life drag you down.don't do anything that will make it worse or effect someone else.no one knows your there until you look for them.we humans are survivors!!!!

message to storm's subconscious: read this: storm now wishes to feel happy and not a sad bastard. ok? yess is. thank you message ends.

yes, yes you are stupid you picky bastard. I have no respect of sympathy for people who wish to go on shooting sprees cause "life just isn't going my way bla bla bla", grow up. Take responsibility for yourself and your health. You caused the condition you have anyway. Stop with the violent thoughts, you could be the next washington DC sniper for all we know. No one owes you a pretty girl with long black hair and green eyes for having a heart condition. You're shallow, admit it. f*ck, this was a waste of my time.