Up until this very year, I had never any intention of having kids. It wasn't until very recently, after giving it a lot of thought on and off, and with the desire that my boyfriend and future husband has, I have finally decided that, eventually, I would like to have a kid with him. I do not think I want any more than one, however, as I'd like to devote my time, energy, and money into one child rather than spreading it thin over more. I'm only 21 and do not plan on getting pregnant for a good many years when we both are out of college and have settled down in a home and have enough money saved up.

However, I often see parents in public with their children and, many times, it seems as if their kids do not know how to properly behave, especially in such places like restaurants. Grocery stores are just a sheer disaster. More so than behavior though, I think I also wonder whether or not my future child will actually listen to us and obey our rules and respect them. I want my child to grow up not only being told what to do and being told what's right and what's wrong, but to also understand them and why they're either right or wrong. I plan on explaining it to them in terms they can understand to make it clear. I think part of the problem is that kids simply don't understand a lot of the time because their parents never told them. I feel myself like I grew up under a rock sometimes and I don't want my kid to be like that at all. I want to inform them of everything. I don't like the idea of keeping secrets from your kids, even if they are more "grown-up" in nature. Children are so much smarter than we give them credit for and can understand so much. Looking at the animal kingdom, we see just how bright dolphins and chimps and parrots are, as well as how dogs and household pets can be. Now, looking at your children, they are even smarter than that. They are capable of so much. I really feel that to better connect with your kids, you simply have to talk to them and teach them things.

On that note, I would love a child like Dakota Fanning!

This post has been edited by Grey Martian: Mar 31 2008, 11:00 AM

Sometimes. Sometimes they really, really just don't care, too. They want what they want, and that's just all there is to it.

Well i've got 9 kids ( 5 girls 4 boys ) show them you love them and care for them like all siblings my kids fight with each other in the house but my wife and myself are constantly told how well mannered and good behaved they are outside the home we've never had a lot of money but the kids have always been well fed well clothed and all of them know they are loved

This post has been edited by oskar: Apr 1 2008, 11:27 AM

kellyb -- That is true. It's a shame and I'm sure that's really hard when you're the parent.

oskar -- Wow, that is a lot of kids to raise. It sounds like you and your wife have done a lovely job though with what you have.

I'm almost 17, so of course I don't have any children of my own (nor plan to), but I can still give a good view from the "adolescent" side.

Yes, some parents don't know how to properly teach or deal with their kids. And it's so hard to say what is the "right" way-- it's an endless debate from religion to morals. It's simply up to the parents to decide the right method. However, it also has to do with the individual child; everyone of them will receive and react to each tactic in a different manner. This is one of the reasons I do not want to have kids; it's so iffy on how to raise them right, and it's still a 50/50 shot that they'll be okay in the long run.

I'll use myself as an example. My parents did plenty of wrong things, but also some right things here and there. But no matter what, I'm honestly one of those teens that just does not give a damn. Sure, someone could use childhood psychology to define some of my "problems," but when you look right at it, I don't care. My parents can't stop me from flunking out of school, doing drugs, sleeping around, starting fights, ect. No parent REALLY can control their kid in that sense. If a child/teenager wants to break away and "rebel," they will. Good parenting can only go so far. We are all different and each see ways to mold our lives in a different way. I, personally, just don't think there is any way to ever change that.


I hope my rambling has helped you in some way. Good luck.

It is always a mixed bag, I have four boys, 10, 12 15 and 18. All as different as chalk and cheese. Like many my kids too get compliments about there manners and personality and so on. There is so much truth in the saying that kids think you are god and know everything till they are about 12, 12 to 15 they are neutral, 13 to early 20s they think you know absolutely nothing, after that they realize you do actually know what you are talking about. It has been my experience that kids will just be kids. Don't be frightened to be too strict and have too many rules, kids need guidance even though they dont think so and you can always relax the rules if you choose, but by hell it is hard to reign them in if the rules have always been relaxed. You will be the best judge by far for what your kids need, don't listen to all these bloody no all psychologists and armchair experts as half of them havn't had kids anyway. Hell for that matter don't even listen to me. i am a little old fashioned when it comes to kids. I tend to be strict. All this new age bull just seems to create argumentive little shits that demand this and demand that. Make them, in some way at least earn what they get, kids today get so much stuff they so often think money grows on trees, they just expect stuff to appear the second they want it. Often if our kids want something we go them dollar for dollar. Every Dollar they save, we will match. Dont be afraid to make deals, yeah ok, you can miss the dishes to play footy tonight and tomorrow, but you can do them for your brother Saturday and Sunday.
As far as small family versus large...thats a hard one.
I love the big family, nothing more fun than to walk through the door and be attacked by your kids and end up in an all in room to room battle, wretstling tickling match. Having said that, a trip to the movies cost you $100 instead of $25
In the end, listen to everyone, beleive no one, and don't be afraid to make the decisions yourself. You will be the expert of your kids no one else.

I and my husband have 3 kids together, and he had 2 with his previous wife who died of cancer some years ago.

Well, just like Dundee said it’s a mixed bag. But generally speaking, if they know you love them and if YOU do respect them, there’s no problem at all.

i have five kids and as long as know they are loved and respected you should get the same back.no guarantees,some kids are just little sods.

Mine does a little of all three...but that's normal, I think...I'd worry if she didnt