Well, for those of you who do not know..ODD stands for Oppositional Defiance Disorder and ADHD stands for Attention-Deficiet Hyperactivity Disorder...I dont have a definitive diagnosis yet but it is suspected that my daughter has it...it is almost certain that she has a mild form of ADHD but she may also have a mild case of ODD...I am...beside myself to say the least...logically, I know that these conditions are medical conditions but as a parent, I feel that I have failed her somehow...and miserably so

For the first year of my child's life, she was a happy, healthy infant...she was never colicky...almost never cried...was always active and laughing...very attentive and almost never got sick...during the 1st year, her father was present though he did not take in part in her care...from the 6 months on, I wouldnt let him because I began to notice that he was having mental problems...I encouraged him to get help to no avail...it got worse...he got on drugs and lost his job on the police force...I could no longer trust him around our child and was myself forced to resign because I had no one to care for her while at work...shortly after her 1st B-day, I had him involuntarily committed and cut all ties to him...then things began to change with my daughter...I assumed it was the 'terrible two's'...being an only parent there was no one I could leave her with for longer than 10 to 20 minutes at a time, so we were almost never apart and I noticed that her seperation anxiety, which is normal in this age, seemed extreme but I passed it off, hoping that it would dimish as she got older..being as extreme as it was and not wishing to cause her undue stress where there was already quite a bit...I made concessions...only I see now that I socially isolated her...she failed to learn social skills and failed to learn to control her anger with other people, animals, objects, etc...now I am told that she quite possibly has ODD...though I have never permitted her to be exposed to violence, aggression, arguments, criticisms and the like and have never been short on praise....she has become violently aggressive and its getting worse...we're talking two to three episodes a day where her rage is so uncontrollable, and often unprovoked, that she will lash out at anything in her reach...during these episodes I can not verbally reach her nor redirect her...I must physically restrain her...after she is calm, she is truly sorry for her behavior...still she is very moody even while doing something she enjoys, she's just a hair from 'going off' if she gets the least bit frustrated...she will not sleep at night anymore...she will not fall asleep until around 7 am when she finally can not take anymore...then she sleeps all day...I've tried everything to correct this and nothing helps...I know now that it is not simply a case of getting her days and nights mixed up...I always thought that ADHD was simply the parents not wishing to deal with parenting...I now know differently

My daughter will now be going to therapy for social skills including anger management skills...she has to be on a strict routine with no deviation...she will also be taking tae kwon do as it was suggested that I put her in some type of physical activity...I selected this because its known to teach discipline, respect and foster high self esteem...I am trying to get her into a school for gifted children because she has a high IQ and I believe that she would benefit from the smaller class size...I've arranged for playdates with other children...hopefully, the non-medical intrevention that her therapist and I are working on will resolve this...hopefully, she will not require medication but she may require sleeping meds for a short time...I'm doing everything I know to do but still feel that I'm failing...plus, I dont know how I'm going to deal with this financial burden...working another job right now would be not be good for my child as she needs me now more than ever...I'm at a loss :confused:

Hey, that sounds like me from my elementary school days... Except I bottled up my anger instead of raging.


The therapist is definetly the way to go. I went to a counsellor when I was in 3rd grade because my idiot principal and lesbian teacher (she was, and she didn't like my constant challenges because her "father yeller at her") thought I had ADD. The counsellor said I was normal, just very free and strong willed.

I really don't think your child has ADHD, it's one of those things that is present in all of us to an extent—like OCD—but isn't really a problem unless it's in the extreme. Today's kids are overly medicated and later in life they're going to develop serious problems...

I think your daughter just needs what I needed... Your daughter probably isn't the sociophobe I am, so I'm sure all she needs is you.


And no, you aren't failing. If you're trying as hard as you can, you are not failing. If your daughter loves you, you're not failing. And most of all, if you act the same in real life as you do on this board, you are definitely not failing. A child needs a strong willed and sensitive mother...

I was a bit of a terror myself at that age. They didn't know about ADD or anything like that at the time, so naturally I wasn't medicated. I think I turned out fine-I'd say do the therapy instead of the medication, unless the latter's absolutely necessary.

Every kid goes through that phase, I think. And yes, you're not failing if you're trying your best.

like Hodge said, you're not failing, you are an awesome mom and you're really strong. I feel that if anyone can get through the adversity you face, it's you.

I hope all the best for your you and your daughter.

-lord saber

:cry: I'm sorry Shield Maiden, I want to give you a big hug now. (I get too emotional) :cry:

Hodge...I would like to believe that she does not have ADHD or ODD...in fact, I have vehemently protested against it for the past several months...making excuses such as 'she's just tired' etc...but this has gone beyond the sassy talk or the occasional temper tantrum...I am concerned for her physical safety now...last week she waited until I fell asleep and then unlocked the backdoor and went outside in the dead of night...it was 25 degrees at the time and she got so cold that she couldnt move and she screamed for me to come and get her...luckily, I heard her and found her outside...a few days ago, she disarmed the alarm bell on the shop (a florist I co-own), hid it in her toy box and was half way down the friggin street while I franticaly searched for her....today we've had two melt downs...one in which I got a kick to the face and a bite on the hand as I tried to restrain her...this was after she kicked her dogs...last night was another violent battle because she 'wanted her damn cookies' as she put it

How do you discipline her? If she wants her damn cookies they might get thrown in the garbage..

that's not the issue, GG, as I assure you that she did not get the cookies...the issue is how she reacts...with uncontrolable rage and now violence as well...this is the primary symptom of ODD

I don't think there is much that can be done to treat ODD. Don't children usually get it or show signs of it when they are older?

GG...ODD begins to manifest between 1-3 years old...a great many will grow out of it so long as they have recieved intrevention at an early age...if they do not, it runs the risk of becoming Conduct Disorder which is a precursor to AntiSocial Disorder...also, it can lead to many other problems in life...ODD is rarely present by itself and often presents with either ADHD or Bi-Polar Depression

Cool, I have a disorder!


Ok, your daughter sounds a little... Wild, to say the least. Still, I don't think meds are the answer... Therapy, definitely. But not meds, especially since we're just now finding out that many of them have side effects that were previously unknown.


Christ, that sounds just like my brother when he's not around my dad...

Hodge...social phobia and antisocial disorder are not anywheres near close to each other...phobias are representive of anxiety disorders...not personality disorders

Kidding...

Damn...I know...I'm just frustrated...I dont want to think my kid needs meds let alone put her on them...you know, I've worked with alot of kids in the juvenile justice system who had ODD or ADHD or a combination but they were older kids, into serious trouble and since they came from bad homes, I always thought that it was just a cop out on the parents and societies part...that these kids just hadnt been given enough love and attention..and I always thought 'not my kid' and I still think 'not my kid' but then, I dont want my kid to be in the same spot 10 years down the road...jesus, I cant believe this...she is such a sweetheart..its hard for me to believe that she can be so filled with rage in a split second

I am so sorry for you to be having to go through this, it is hard enough being a single parent. (((Tutu)))

I know of a child who is similar to this, will go into fits of rage and can be very scary to his poor mum. I do not know what other avenues they have pursued, but I do know he is on medication and it has helped enormously.

I do hope the therapy works though, and you do not have to resort to drugs. Good luck with it all tutu.

I've been watching this thread from afar Tutu...kinda lost for words. However you failed no-one as a parent. There is only one criteria that a parent must reach...LOVE! That you do in abundance.

Now as to the 'disorder' I'm sorry if I sound very detached but please allow me to say this.....as a loving parent you will do what is best for your child...you will act in her best interests and will have that as your prime motivator. I am a firm believer that behavioural disorders or learning difficulties if approached properly in the early years will have little or 'NO' impact in later life. She's getting the best shot possible at it Tutu...she's got you as her mum.

Ben

well thanks guys...I'm at my wits end...I brought her 4 new fish yesterday, and as I have discovered this morning, only one survived the night...lol...jeez...some of her antics...I gotta laugh as it helps me deal

I've been watching this thread up on the hill with Ben...

I really don't know what to say since I'm not a parent and I'm never around kids...

This reminds me of the movie Parenting with Steve Martin it might bring out any comical situations about this.

All I can say is that I hope things get better for you, which they will.

Well, thanks, it already has...once you get past the denial then you can clearly see what needs to be done and do it without further hesitation...many parents simply refuse to see when their child has a problem and so the problem doesnt get addressed until it is, perhaps, too late...its not so much from thinking that our kids are perfect (of course we do think that) but really just a fear of an unknown in our child's life...and a refusal to accept that. She's in a good program now...working on social skills...especially anger management skills...is going to get plenty of interaction with peers (Girl Scouts & with the kids in her program...as well as 'play dates')..physical exercise (karate...she's sooo cute in her uniform)...so she's going to be ok, I think. She's still got to be evaluated for 'sleeping disorders' as her pediatrician believes she may have one but, well, I was diagnosed with a sleep disorder when I was a child...so its something that I know can be managed....this is all costing me money..more than I presently have so I may be going back to work at the sheriff's dept...its not an easy decision...I wont be able to take as many credit hours at school and it'll push my graduation date further down the road...also, its a dangerous job...but I'll do what I must...anyway, THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR WELL WISHES

You know that whatever you do Tutu....you never walk alone. You take care.

Ben

Hey, just discovered this thread... tutu I think you doing all you can. I think I cannot do more than just send you some smilies and wish you that all goes well.



Keep your head up!