Okay...I have been thinking I was quite normal for a long time. I had friends, and was really only made fun of because of my race at school. Everything was great, but one day it crashed down on me. My friend Michael used to joke around that if I didn't know something, that the world would end. It was because I memorized so much about random things. I was great at Social Studies, Okay in math, and wonderful in english. But at the begining of the year, my parents were worried about my english grade, and e-mailed the english teacher to try to figure out why I had a 70. I never really noticed any problems in english with me. I would just sit there quietly, and look at either the teacher, or the board the whole time, and try to complete my assignment. What was killing me were the symposiums over the books we were assigned to read. My parents came up to me, and said, "Connor, you need to talk, and ask questions durring class and symposium."
Slowly, my grade went back up, but instead people in my class began to not enjoy symposium as much when I began to talk, then continue to talk until the teacher told me to stop and let someone else talk. When I stopped talking, and looked around, I saw that most of the class had something to say, and I entirely missed it. I felt kind of embarrassed.

But that was only a minor problem. My parents told me stories every once in a while about when I was younger. All the daycares I was put in told my parents about what I had done durring the day, and evaluated my behavior.
My parents were told that I "Don't play well with others".
I remeber What I was doing....
I spent most of my time stacking things like the plastic tables and chairs at the coloring area. In kindergarden, I continued stacking objects, and at one point got in trouble for when another kind named bryce came up and joined me. I took a block, and threw it at him, then destroyed my tower. In first grade, I rarely talked to people durring recess, and instead made mounds of sand on the playground.
I drew alot, and my parents loved that I was so creative, and yet I never took an art class that the others in my class didn't take. But, my parents got angry about how much paper I had been wasting. I don't know.... but I can't let anything slip. If I messed up while drawing, I would crumble the paper up and throw it away. I also lashed out at others if they touched me, or caused me to mess up while I was drawing (which I sadly still do). I felt like I was in conversations, but I wasn't contributing anything to the conversation. I just listened. When I did talk, people stopped because I would continue to talk until I understood that they needed to talk. Its more so a delayed reaction.

When I finally understood something might be wrong was when my friends, and parents broke it to me:
Your social skills suck.
My father began pointing out what I should do if I want to keep friends I already have. I didn't talk to my friends much on the telephone, or internet.
I didn't go to activities with them alot, and I usually dont seem that "into" conversations, as in I was just kinda there in conversation, and not really contributing anything, rarely even facial expressions, and didn't do "high-fives", handshakes, and my father tells me alot to maintain eye contact, which I myself HATE.

I really cant do high fives unless it is someone who I REALLY trust. Some kids told me that I might be bipolar, or have tourettes, because I have these "random Moments", where I start walking on my Tip-toes, or other things.

I don't know why, but I don't feel safe in public places. I just dont. I have always tried to help soothe myself by grabbing my arm, or crossing my arms, or putting my hand on my shoulder. It is more an instinct, than me actually doing it. I dont know what is wrong.....
I can't really even explain most of it.

Im sorry... but In a way to summarize this, something isn't clicking that lets me understand others, and how to deal with other, and how to be in a large area with others in it. I feel, in a sense, being there, yet not being there.
I often focus on things, and not really people, and don't really know what to do.

Some of the things you said, you can train yourself to not react to.
Like, Lashing out when people cause you to mess up... I get incredibly pissed of when somebody does that, to the point I feel like hurting them (I hate that feeling, just something you live with); but when I was a little kid, I was bullied for a few years so I grew to be able to hold back my anger without even a peep of it showing.
You can do this yourself, without causing yourself any harm using thing like, A random alarm maybe? as you're doing what you do, it sets of surprising you and it makes you slip.
So that a few times each time and it will be done; and it can be really frustrating, a tension ball can help with that.

Theres nothing wrong with you, its just you have some certain skills that need to be worked on.
Some people don't feel safe in public places, I don't, 'specially wide open ones (Confined I'm okay with)

Real friends won't ditch you just because you have bad social skills.

If you find it hard to focus on people, try to think of them as objects (But don't let that interfere with your perception of them still having emotions and being people), that could help in the short term.
It's true that if somebody tells you something and you believe it, eventually you will shift into being that person even if you're not.
While you may know your skills might be somewhat lacking, don't let that bring you down, or anybody else at that.
Good luck!

I can tell from looking at your dA account, you have a good imagination.

sounds like you may have a very minor case of autism.

I don't know what to say c.m.2 except you should try and be friends with people who are more like you or similar.That way you have a better undestanding of eachother.That is what I do.You may not have alot of friends that way,but having some friends is better than having no friends,right?

Could you please give me a link to your deviant art account so I could see your drawings,please?

Captain Hero,
http://cm2dude.deviantart.com




Xeno... I am like what you said. I am very comfortable alone, or in confined spaces. But I guess I have unneccessary fears of public spaces. When I was younger, at around age 5-6, my family and I went to a couple spurs games. At the alamodome, I was scared that the whole stadium would collapse...

I don't know if this is normal for others, but instead of having to play with toys while in the car on roadtrips, I spent nearly the whole time staring out the window. And It was the most boring part of the country, too.(It was Iowa, and part of illinois. I still stare outside alot durring trips, looking at the details. I tend to obsess over details sometimes. When I was seven, I drew a picture using large sheets of paper. THe ship ended up being a scaled down model of a cruise ship, and was about 15 feet long, and 2.5 ft tall, and this is on paper, not the actual ship's size. My parents were kinda worried about me drawing the ship, and not going outside, so they eventually got rid of it.

Those are some good drawings c.m.2.

I'm like that on long boring trips... The imagination can turn even the most boring and inactive landscape into a wonderful place, filled with what you want and bring the details to a better amazing level.
Wow man! 15x2.5ft; thats huge.
Shame about them getting rid of it; the biggest thing I've drawn and most disturbing one of my drawings to them is an A2 drawing of my version of hell. They don't pay attention to it which is good I guess.

You have a deviant art account too Xeno?If so could I please see it?When I get the time I will post some of my drawings in my account on deviant art too.So everyone else can see them as well.

Sure Captain Hero; http://celphi0xeno.deviantart.com/
I don't put my drawings up there though, Lack of a scanner would make it a waste of time to get a low res 500x500 shot from my webcam. >.<

Hey CM2 - Sounds to me like you're a teenager (don't get pissed! I was one, too!) You have some killer art skills (I went to your website)! I'd say that you are a deep thinker, and that you just need to develop your social skills by hanging with some like people. Don't worry 'bout what others think - they're usually in their own little worlds anyway. Again, your art rocks!

Thats the only thing, Jim Bear. I am normal in most aspects... It could be as you believe to be just being a teenager, but this has gone on for nearly as long as I remember. I hang out with people. They are in their own little worlds, but my teachers have noted that something is a little off with me, and It got to the point that I had to attend some stupid anger management program run by the school. I was friends with all the kids in it, most of whom were jocks. Then what seriously worried my parents was when I got kicked out of summer camp in 2006 for attacking two others. After nearly a week of them yelling and saying stupid things led me to strike.

C.M.2, keep on with yourself. I know that sounds stupid, but, yeah, maybe some anger management class might help. Or, it might not. Hard to say anymore...I went to one, and wanted to really mess up the guy instructing!! I feel for you, 'cause I felt the same way when I was a younger man. Tell ya what - if you need to, just email me, or call me (Pacific Northwest Time). Send me a "private message" and I'll give you my phone number. It never hurts to talk to people, and I'm willing to listen - maybe even I might have some advice - but I promise to listen to you! I'm NOT gonna call you a kid - you sound like what my sensei once told me: an old soul in a young body.