..dont know what to make of it

for nearly 2 years now i have been waking up continually at certain times of the night, and i will wake up at that time every night for a period of 3 or more weeks, they come and go.

latley, i have been waking up at 4am without fail every night. this has been going on for 2 weeks so far, but last night i awoke from my sleep because i heard my named whispered...i didnt think anything of it at first and tried to go back to sleep but my mind got the better of me and i looked at the time..sure enough it was 4am.
i went and turned the light on and sleept with it on.

i allways have a strange feeling in my room, im not sure how to explain it..its like something is there..its just a sense or feeling..like i am being watched almost.
sometimes it is comforting, others it is frightening.

i have to sleep with the blankets over my head and try to keep from thinking about anything everything.
im not sure if it is my mind, or something else.

uncertain

*argh* i just spent an hour typing out my thoughts for this thread go to post it and it says im not signed in...so what happens? i lose everything i just typed. typical. :cry:

i cant remember everything i said word for word as it was just a conscious stream of thought, so sorry if this thread seems a little disconnected.

man created religion, therefore how can it be trusted?

i have allways had an intrest with the occult and paranormal ever since i can remember, but it has never been anything besides a search for information.
i do not feel it right to 'cast a spell' without first having a thorough understanding.

now back to my first statement...
every religion claims to be older than the last, claims to have the path to 'enlightenment, claims to be the 'right one'.
the fact of the matter is, we are human.
what seperates us from the rest is our abilitly to ask 'why, why ,why?'
every person at one point of their lifetime is going to ask metaphysical questions and that's a fact.
but what we seem to be forgetting is that when it comes down to it, all we have are a bunch of assumptions, nothing more.
we will never know for certain.

another issue that arises is what is being taught today in terms of religion...i have serious doubt that is anything like it was when it first orginiated. keeping in mind that much can be lost in translation and mis-interpretation.
how can we even be 100% sure when it originated and why?
we cant.

religion brings hope, faith and comfort for many.
but why do we need these things?
the answer is simple- we do not want to be alone.
we live in a world, where we are shaped by our society. from a early age we are tought to think with logic & reasoning.
but it is this society that will be our demise.
the reason we feel so often alone is because of the way we live our lives. concerned with materalism and petty things, we forget about what is really important.
we need to stop seeking for answers and take alook at ourselves.
i am a stronge believer that to love, you must first love yourself.
now, how many people here can truely say they love themselves?
i know, i cannot.
for a long time i have blamed other people for my un-happiness.
experiencing so much at a young age shaped me to the person i am today-
and it is not one i am happy with, i have become vindictive and selfish, pushing away anyone who comes close to me. i have only come to realise this after questioning myself "who am i?"....that is still something i cannot answer.
we are not as alone as we think we are, i feel it whenever i sit on the beach and let the surroundings consume me, i feel i lay on the grass & the wind blows.
i am not sure as to how to futher about my explaination on the feeling, but it is not something 'new' to me..i feel as though it is familiar.
there are alot of things that make sense to me now, and it is time to change.
meditation is an option that keeps occuring, but it is not one that i have acted upon yet. i geuss i am scared for what doors it may open if i do not know how to control them or protect myself, despite reading many ways of how to do this- it is hard to know what to believe and who to turn to.