questioning everything...

I am in a point in my life where I am looking at everything that is happening in this world, and everything that is happening in my world, and am currently within a deep conflict with myself. I have meditated alot in an attempt to find a solution to my problems, and the worlds problems, and have lost sleep over it, and it is really effecting my current life. I want to become an architect, or an electronica musician, but at the same time I believe that I am going to stumble on something that will change my life. So far, my mind has decided that everything right now is not going to last forever, that everything happens for a reason, that everything has balance, and many other things, but I am actually placed in a position where I have to choose one thing, or the other. I began to think about this as long as I have been on this forum. I want to pursue my current studies in school, but at the same time I want to prepare for something metaphysical which I don't even know if it exists.
Just an insight into my current life. I feel that if I take the latter, though, something big could happen, and I don't want people to be hurt by any actions that I have taken. I have been trying to, suprisingly, apply the philosophy of illuminism (what the illuminati originally believed in) to my daily life, where I must end conflict within myself before I can end conflict with everything else. I am tired. I will post again when I have more energy. Salutations.

An agent of the universe?

Does the universe choose individuals to go out and work for balance in this universe? I have been wondering. I've been reading about Indrid cold, and I have been wondering... What if the Universe calls certain souls to get humans to do its work for it? Or what if the universe employs souls to do its bidding to keep the creature of the universe safe from each other? (Indrid cold appearing after UFO/Mothman sightings, and Men in Black attempting to solve other-worldy contact).

Why is this so?

Why is it that I have such a fear of some alien images, but not others?
There have been several images of similar looking aliens, that I have had such a great fear of, and yet, others I think are comical....
http://www.rapimentialieni.org/jeff_morgan...rey_alien14.jpg

http://ufocasebook.com/waltonaliens.jpg

http://www.jerrypippin.com/bbhill02.jpg

I am being honest to god, but those images scare the shit out of me... Why should I be so afraid of them?

Well, I aint alone in my family now.

For a while, I was the only person who had seen a UFO in my family.
That changed about a year ago when my mother told me of something she remembered from her teenage years. She told we she was on the couch in her house, and the T.V. was on. Everyone else was asleep, but she sat with the blindsd open on the large windows in the living room of my grandparents home.
She says it was like a dream, but Blue and Red seemed to be shining down on the yard outside. The lights, which could have come from the road, appeared to be projected from a location above the house. And that is all she managed to remember. Well, It shocked me at first, but then I began to think about it, and I went, "This slightly makes sense." Well, its an old story... but about a week ago, my little brother, who is 13, approached me and said something to me that I listened to with an open mind. He had been with one of his friends in their car when an object apparently flew overhead. He said it looked like it was gliding, but seemed to change direction as if it had no momentum, and was not being effected by gravity. I will ask him more about it, but I think this just very well may be a great start to my family actually being experiencers of this phenomena, and not just outside critics and sceptics.

Freaky ADD, and Auras...

Okay... I have recently begun to freak people out...
I was in Architectural Graphics, one of the classes I actually talk in, when the teacher, Mr. Ward began to tell another student "I want to see you work on the electrical plan, not a pink smiley face." I tend to think about things once people say them, and in a flash, I suddenly was thinking about the smiley face.
I laughed to myself, and said" A smiley face with spirals in the background." The one student, who is a sophmore, looked at me and said, "How did you know?" My ADD, for some odd reason, has done this to me almost every day for almost as long as I can remeber, but it has begun to freak people out.
My response, " My ADD... Just a random thing". Its probably entirely normal. I have no chance of seeing her screen, since my screen is invisible to her, and hers is to mine, but we can look at each other face to face. This is the first time I had heard of this. As I have said, this is a single instance. It has happened to me alot. Im pretty sure its just ADD, since its like an image that appears for like 0.1-5 seconds, then moves on.
I have noticed, also, that I am starting to see coloured outlines of people, and living organisms. I think its migraines or synthaesia... But what do you guys think?