I want no pity for my trivial problems, I simply feel an urge to write them all down due to some hope that it will clear my mind.

A few months ago, I was feeling quite depressed. I don't know why really... perhaps it is because I feel that I have no one in my life with whom I can relate to... but regardless, the feelings overwhelmed. I could not do anything, as it seemed pointless and futile. My friends phoned, and were wondering why I hadn't spoken to them for a few weeks. I told them I was depressed, and that was the last time I saw them for months. They didn't care... there were no phone calls to see how I was, or to ask if they could help... nothing. All I got was a phone call months later when I was feeling better that they felt guilty that they hadn't spoken to me for so long because I was depressed... but actions mean more than words in my opinion. If they cared then maybe they'd have offered a helping hand... but they didn't. Now I am alone, the few friends I once had are distant, and frankly even when I was with them I felt alone... as if I was some kind of extra baggage they'd allow to tag along to be 'nice'.

Now , my family is going through certain tough times, and I can't help but feel drawn into them. My mother and my step-father had to fire my aunt (who was working for them as a bookkeeper) because she almost bankrupted their company... twice by spending far more money than the budget allowed. My mother had no choice but to fire her... and now my aunt has decided to try and turn the whole family against us. Not only that, she has convinced her friends at my mother's workplace to spread lies about my step-father. I now find my family being sued (by my aunt and a certain ex-worker at my mother's office), and being despised my certain members of my extended family. I feel assaulted, as whatever is done to my family is done to me. I feel helpless... and that is why I am placing my thoughts here. No one else will listen, not my friends or my family.

Good grief, that is terrible stuff happening in your family. How sad! No wonder you feel it--it is quite severe. So sorry.
As for your friends, sounds like they had no way to understand what you were going through, or what the obvious, kind thing is to do when a friend is in pain. They should just have come and been with you.
I wish you well, hope for more happiness for you soon.

That is so awful you have to go through all this crap. It is terrible when things happen in our life that others cause but you have to deal with anyway. I wish you and your family the best of luck and I hope things start going your way. You can always talk about your troubles with us, we are always here.

I can only offer this advice to you
dont own other peoples crap.....it only makes you suffer....
allow them to deal , help them out when you can by support and love
but honestly this is not the time to OWN anyone elses crap, we have enough of our own to deal with.
Best of luck to your family, I am sure it is very difficult for you to watch this unfold...
life is a rollercoaster,,,,,,,,,,pick your battles and watch out for the curves it throws ya.
be stronger than the life......

I have a freind who I lsot touch with a few months back, maybe even longer, called him called him and called him, emailed emailed ....eventually I too gave up...now I am feelin guilty cause he too went thru emotinal struggles.....

somethimes its hard to tell if one is wanting a lil pace or needs alot of love,,,
shoooooooooot
now I must go...contact...

btw
you will be ok....
need a shoulder or an ear, i am here.
hugs
goddess

Yes goddess it can be hard to know if the person needs to left alone or needs someone there for them, I guess we just have to ask and hope we get the right signals back to make the right decision. When i get upset I withdraw and don't want contact with my friends, but we could not talk for months and months and just pick up where we left of, I guess we have a special bond that will never be broken. It's hard to find friends like that and I am lucky to have such.

I am sorry for your troubles SA..sometimes it is hard to watch a friend suffer, you invest so much emotionally and it all becomes too much...especially when you have no idea how to make your friend feel better...it seems that the 'how are you' and 'I hope it gets better' is never quite enough to alleviate their distress..I've had to walk away before...not because I cared less but because I cared too much...its difficult to know when its time to hold their hand and when its time to let it go...

sigh...why am I saying this? Because, SA....its so damn hard to break through the darkness..to get them to understand...to get you to understand...that you alone hold the key to your prison...only you can open the door to whatever darkness contains you and emerge into the light.

In my life...I have felt so alone...even among family, friends and lovers..like a ghost among the living..no one who could relate to the depth and intensity of my thoughts and feelings..but somewhere along the way, I've realized that I am not alone in my loneliness...we're all seemingly seperated by a stretch of nothingness that we cant quite cross...though we strain and reach and fall back in our despair...and for that realization, I have come to love people all the more...and, finally, with that love has come the realization that this 'stretch of nothingness' is but an illusion.