from The Perfectly Normal Files
file number CA9923764218d7763r4
On December 17, 1982, Malvin Blechman of Kugluktuk, Nunavut, Canada was in his kitchen trying to see if a native Qalupalik could be used for sushi when he heard his daughter Miranda screaming in the yard. He grabbed his shotgun and ran outside, and saw a large polar bear flopping around "very strangely" near his daughter. It was only after shooting the deranged beast that Blechman discovered it
Being the very busy paranormal investigator that I am, I asked my neighbor to look after my kitten. However, when I came back for it, my neighbor gave me a completely different cat. My cat was a kitten, but the cat he gave was full-grown. Yes, they were both black and they both had one white paw, but the cat he gave me back was definitely NOT the cute little kitten I left with him 18 months before. He swears up and down that they are the same, but I assure you, they are not. So I want to know:
I just had a funny, stupid idea. What if ... I mean, I know it's dumb, but just WHAT IF ... let me preface this: you know that whole "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?" thing? What if it's true?
It got me thinking: what if things only EXIST when someone is there to experience it? I mean, like, maybe the chair on the other side of the room is only THERE when I'm looking at it! Maybe my looking at it gives it meaning, gives
After years of being a vegan, I've finally decided to go a step further and stop eating altogether.
I realized that when I went to my garden and murdered a cabbage, the other cabbages were sad. I heard psychic screams when I pulled the strawberries from the ground. My houseplants quivered in horror whenever I made vegetable soup. They knew. They knew that I was murdering innocent fruits and vegetables.
Some plants, when attacked by bugs or animals release chemicals