Constant Feeling of unease... "Disconnection"

**Mazmarz** · 10-15-2011, 09:51 AM

Hi everyone... this is my first post of this kind... in reality, things have been pretty difficult for me. I do not use drugs nor do I drink (never have). Just wondering if someone has shared similar experiences, I'm originally from New York and I have really walked a strange road in life...

Throughout my life, I have always felt a feeling of not "Fitting" into society. Even though I do my best to be sociable, there is always a feeling of disconnection and the majority of the people that I meet see me as different. I was fortunate to view first hand the "Boomerang" UFO in the Hudson valley which basically passed by my mom and me.

Before this sighting... I have experienced a blackout in which when I awoke, I was still laying on my bed but I could not move my body, felt like I had my finger in a electric socket... I could think rationally and to this date, I can remember the almost overpowering feeling of dread that there was something at the foot of the bed. There might be others, just that I do not have any memory of them.

For several years now, it just seems that I cannot find a sort of "comfort2 for extended time (whether spiritually or mentally). Just feels like There is a "tension" inside and at times I'm pulled from one extreme to the next in regards to what I feel and think... For example, I can think black thoughts one second and at an instant think the opposite and I say to myself, "What the heck?"

I know that there is a monumental change lurking on the horizon... I can feel it... just like I told my mother that she would die in 2 yrs and exactly 2yrs later, she passed away. When I said it at that moment, I knew it to be true.

This is probably the most difficult writing that I have ever attempted as I do not know where to start and exactly what to share. there are probably instances in my life that are important but seem trivial to someone who does not know what to look for... for example... since childhood, I have suffered from nosebleeds that really just begin by themselves and has happened while awake and I have awaken with my pillow soaked in blood... I have read that this can be a sign of implants...

If there is anyone out there who can ask my questions that might reveal a small part of my feeling of unease, please feel free to ask. Or if there is some info that might be pertinent to what I'm writing I would much appreciate it.

**SactoLady** · 10-15-2011, 10:57 AM

Hi Mazmarz,
When I read what you wrote, much of it struck home. I am like you, with the "not fitting into society" part. I used to try to be social, but I finally just gave up. If someone says hi to me, if I'm having a one-on-one conversation, I'm fine. But I don't feel comfortable if anyone else is there. Everyone knows I'm different. Even my own family has basically rejected me, because I don't fit the "mold" they expected me to be. (Tears in my eyes as I write this)
In high school, I didn't fit into any group. I did have 2 friends, and they were both misfits, like me.
I, too, had nose bleeds for no reason. I remember sitting in class, maybe 5 or 6th grade, doing my works, when, drip, drip, blood would fall onto my paper. I had this happen often. Also, I, too would wake up with a blood soaked pillow.
These nose bleeds stopped when I was in high school.

(As a side note, two of my sons had bad nose bleeds as children, too. One had them so bad they wouldn't stop without doctor intervention. )

I often wonder if people who are misfits in society are more prone to UFO and other paranormal experiences because we aren't so focused on "What shall I wear to the party", and other petty thoughts. We may be more focused on internal feelings, and this allows our minds to be able to sense things around us easier.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in this world. There are more of us out there.

By the way, I was born in New York, but left before I was a year old.

**suneye** · 10-15-2011, 01:32 PM

Welcome to AU Mazmarz,
Try to keep yourself in a constructive, hopeful, positive, and helpful attitude. Loose all thoughts of yourself in unselfish service to others. Let faith and trust sustain you while keeping from worry or fear of any kind.

**suneye** · 10-15-2011, 01:33 PM

Welcome to AU Mazmarz,
Try to keep yourself in a constructive, hopeful, positive, and helpful attitude. Loose all thoughts of yourself in unselfish service to others. Let faith and trust sustain you while keeping from worry or fear of any kind.

**verus rex** · 10-15-2011, 01:58 PM

welcome aboard AU

**KellyD** · 10-15-2011, 02:06 PM

welcome

you are in good company here.....no worries.

***SOUL-DRIFTER*** · 10-15-2011, 03:35 PM

Welcome.
Sounds like you have had some interesting experiences.
Amyone else in the family share similar experiences?

**Flight** · 10-15-2011, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by Mazmarz

Before this sighting... I have experienced a blackout in which when I awoke, I was still laying on my bed but I could not move my body, felt like I had my finger in a electric socket... I could think rationally and to this date, I can remember the almost overpowering feeling of dread that there was something at the foot of the bed. There might be others, just that I do not have any memory of them..

I've had this experience on occasion, though when I was a kid I was able to move when I woke with black figures.

There is a medical possibility, however. In REM sleep, your brain releases a drug that induces REM atonia - this is what keeps you from physically acting out your dreams.

Sometimes when you wake abruptly, the drug has yet to wear off, leaving you fully concsious, but unable to move. The dream itself can carry over into your wakeful state, causing fearful hallucinations. The "thing" at the foot of the bed is a common one, as well as experiencing something sitting on your chest etc..

Originally Posted by Mazmarz

For several years now, it just seems that I cannot find a sort of "comfort2 for extended time (whether spiritually or mentally). Just feels like There is a "tension" inside and at times I'm pulled from one extreme to the next in regards to what I feel and think... For example, I can think black thoughts one second and at an instant think the opposite and I say to myself, "What the heck?"..

This can be entirely normal, depending on your age, living status, and medical history including that of your family. Diet and work may play a role, or it could be a structural personality issue. Could be hormones or a generally unpleasant environment.

I experience conflicting extremes in my thoughts as well

Originally Posted by Mazmarz

...since childhood, I have suffered from nosebleeds that really just begin by themselves and has happened while awake and I have awaken with my pillow soaked in blood... I have read that this can be a sign of implants....

I don't know anything about implants, but I have woken to find my pillow soaked in blood as a child. One of the times I believe the doctor suggested I'd thrown it up despite there being no sign of internal damage. Nosebleeds were also generally common, though I experience them rarely now.

Welcome to AU, I'm interested in learning more about your experiences.

**Mazmarz** · 10-15-2011, 07:50 PM

First... i want to that thank everyone who shared and welcomed me to AU... Its great to know that I have finally found a place where I can read other people's experiences and share mine... In the the process help and support each other...

Love the Cat!
I'm the only one that I know of about the experiences... minus my mom who also saw the "Boomerang" UFO in New York... Never really knew anyone who would share any experiences...